direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
