Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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