just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
