yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
