Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
