Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
