there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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