My room smells like vodka and shame
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
