They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
