She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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