Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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