That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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