i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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