My liver just broke up with me...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
