the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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