it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
