i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
