He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
