"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
