We tried having a conversation with our noses.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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