Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
