I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
