bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
