Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
