Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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