the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
