This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
