people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
