is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I had to cum in my sink.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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