she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
