Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
