8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wear drunk well.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
