Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
