they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
