last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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