dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This is classic penis vs brain.
Randomize
