the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
