Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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