I wish I only lived at night.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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