i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
