So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
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