a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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