i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
