perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
