my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
