Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
