I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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