His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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