i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
