I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
