nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
