Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
