instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Randomize
