you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Someone shattered a urinal.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
