You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Vodka?
Forever.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
