just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
